textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
