I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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