I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
