i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
