I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
