rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
