JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
