i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
