Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
