I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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