she pinky promised me she was 18
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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