i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I cut my penus on the lid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
