As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
