"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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