I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
