I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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