We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
