my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
