who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
