Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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