jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
