Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
