I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
