Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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