if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He shit in the fireplace
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
