Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
