I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
