Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
