I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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