We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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