HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
