So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
