On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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