Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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