I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
