Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
