Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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