Already got asked if we're dating
I cannot find my penis.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
