a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
