The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
