Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
