he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
