belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
