god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
