We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
