dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
