we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
