Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
