how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
