thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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