We got so high we made milksteak
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
