Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
