No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
